We live in a world that is more connected than ever, and yet more fragile than we have ever known.
A single decision can ripple across families, organisations, ecosystems, even continents. Our reach has grown, but the buffers that once absorbed our impact have worn thin. At the heart of this fragility is a simple forgetting.
"In nature nothing exists alone."
Rachel Carson
We see this play out every day. In families. In teams. In communities and organisations. What happens within any one relationship never stays contained. It carries forward into other relationships, shaping trust, behaviour, and outcomes over time.
A Tool for Seeing Clearly
The Relational Imperative is a simple tool designed to bring this relational dynamic into clearer view and into shared conversation.
It uses a basic graph to explore the health of a relationship at any given moment. One axis represents the individual. The other represents the collective: a partnership, a team, or an organisation. The intention is not to weigh "me" against "us", but to understand how the wellbeing of each is connected to the other.
From this, four broad relational states emerge. There are moments when both the individual and the collective are growing. Moments when one advances at the expense of the other. And moments when neither is being realised.
Used well, the Relational Imperative creates a shared language for naming what is actually happening between people. It shifts the conversation away from blame and towards a more constructive question:
What would it take for both sides to be safe, supported, and growing?
In a world that has forgotten how deeply connected we are, it is a simple tool for remembering.
The Four States
The Relational Imperative uses a simple graph with two axes: individual realisation (vertical) and collective realisation (horizontal). Together, these axes create four quadrants, each representing a different relational state.
Egocentric
The individual is realised at the expense of the collective. Someone uses their position to dominate or prioritise personal expression at the cost of team cohesion.
Flourishing
Both the individual and collective are realised. A collaborative space where ideas are shared, contributions acknowledged, and both personal growth and shared success are nurtured.
Damaging
Neither the individual nor collective is realised. Misaligned values, unclear expectations, or communication breakdowns leave both parties struggling.
Conforming
The collective is realised at the expense of the individual. Demands are so high they erode wellbeing, leaving someone overextended and unseen.
In Practice: Maya and Northlight Studio
Maya is a designer at Northlight Studio, a mid-sized creative agency. Her manager, David, uses the Relational Imperative to explore how Maya experiences her relationship with the company.
1Define the relationship
Maya identifies her employment relationship with Northlight as the focus. She is placed on the y-axis as the individual; Northlight Studio is placed on the x-axis as the collective. David joins the conversation as a representative of the organisation.
2Define what realisation looks like
Together, Maya and David discuss what growth and flourishing mean, both for Maya as an individual and for Northlight as an organisation. These definitions draw on the studio's purpose and organisational goals.
Maya's realisation
“I feel fairly compensated, my work is meaningful, and I have opportunities to grow as a designer.”
Northlight's realisation
“The studio is delivering excellent work, supporting its people, and building a reputation we're proud of.”
3Place markers
Maya places her marker on the graph, reflecting her sense of how fully both she and Northlight are being realised. David does the same. Their markers are close, but not quite the same. Maya has placed herself slightly lower on the individual axis than David expected.
4Dialogue, not debate
The goal is not to convince one another whose assessment is more accurate. Instead, the difference opens a conversation. Maya shares that while she loves the creative work, she feels disconnected from the studio's direction. David listens. They explore what ‘realisation’ really means for Maya at this stage of her career.
5Move toward right-relationship
Together, they explore how both markers might move toward the top-right quadrant, where both Maya and Northlight are safe and growing. They agree to revisit the graph in three months. This shared goal is called right-relationship.
In Practice: Northlight Studio's Constellation
David and the founding team at Northlight Studio want to understand the health of the studio's key relationships — from their people to their clients to their industry presence. They create a constellation to see the full picture.
1Define the root collective
David identifies Northlight Studio as the root collective. All relationships in this constellation will be viewed from the perspective of the studio's flourishing.
2Add relationships at different scales
David adds the studio's key relationships, organised by their distance from the centre. Each relationship has its own definition of what flourishing looks like for both sides.
Direct
Maya & Northlight, Alex & Sally (Leadership)
Team
Creative Team & Northlight
Organisation
Greenleaf Foundation (Client)
Industry
Melbourne Design Alliance
3See how the studio connects to the world
The constellation reveals Northlight's relational ecosystem: internal dynamics with employees and teams, client partnerships, and industry presence — all visible in one view. David can see which relationships are flourishing and which need attention.
4Identify where attention is needed
David notices that internal relationships (team, employees) are generally healthy, but the client relationship with Greenleaf shows strain and industry engagement is weak. The studio may be strong inside but disconnected outside.
5Prioritise and track over time
David decides to focus on the Greenleaf partnership first — it has high influence on revenue and reputation. He also plans to rebuild industry connections over the coming quarter. The constellation becomes a living map of the studio's relational health, revisited regularly.
Further Reading
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